I don't like hunters

so here I am, working in my office, typing away on my computer, when something catches my eye... a GIANT SPIDER crawling up the wall.

now, after working in the woods for over a year, i've become a little desensitized towards spiders. but those are american spiders. i'm in australia. australian spiders scare me. because most of them will kill me.

so what do i do? i jump up and run down the hall to find a big strong australian man to save me.

what do i find? no one.

it's after 6pm, so mostly everyone is gone.

i come back to my office, and that little bugger is now hiding. i can't be expected to work while a giant spider is watching me.

so now what? i stand on my chair in the middle of the room, of course

eventually the spider showed 'herself' again on my wall and at this time a nice older female student was walking down the hallway, so i jump off the chair and stand in the doorway and she looks startled to see me cowering there and then i just say 'spider'.

she says 'im sorry? is there a spider in there?'

so i show it to her and she says 'oh, no worries, that's just a hunstman. it's not deadly' (side note: i wikipedia'd 'hunstman spider' and they had this tid-bit of information: Huntsman spiders are not deadly to humans. They do bite, but the victim will suffer only minor swelling and localised pain, and will recover in a day or two.) (no thanks)

then she said 'well, you have 2 options. you can work with it while it darts around and eats the flies, or i can take it outside for you'

ARE YOU CRAZY? take it outside!

so she put it in a container and took it away for me.

now here are some pics of my little huntsman friend:

Abbreve This!

Talk about your mother of all abbreviations.

Australians don't say 'thank you' or 'thanks' they say 'ta'.

that's it.

just 'ta'.

Sarcasm is the language of the devil

i never got this 'complaint' last year, but for some reason it's been coming up a lot lately:

apparently Australians think Americans have no sense of humor. and by that, they don't think we understand sarcasm.

why. on. earth.

what a weird stereotype.

'oh, she's american, she doesn't have a sense of humor. i can't continue talking to her' (yes, that was actually said to me last friday) (and he wasn't being sarcastic) (just a jerk) (a really funny jerk) (that was sarcasm)

however, i was just given this 'compliment':
me: i don't understand why australians think americans don't get sarcasm. i'm one of the most sarcastic people i know'
my friend: 'yeah, i've noticed you're not bad at it'

thanks?




and here are some more Australian sayings... maybe we say them in America... but i certainly haven't heard them before:

'stacking it': falling. 'it was so embarassing, i was walking down the hall and i just stacked it'

'rock up': to walk up to, to arrive. 'i rocked up to class like 30 minutes late', 'he just rocked up to me, can you believe it?'

cadbury: alcohol lightweight. 'i've had 2 beers and i'm drunk' - 'what a cadbury'

seppo: Australian army slang for American. short for 'septic tank'. i've made a new friend in the Australian army, and he calls me seppo. all. the. time. i think i'm offended?

Portugal? Well, gonna live it up in ol' South America, aren't we, Michael? *

i just noticed the map hanging on the wall next to my desk.

i thought: 'hey, let's check out africa'
then i thought: 'was africa always this skinny?'
then: 'when was uruguay in africa?'

THEN i realized it was South America.

this map has Australia in the middle of it.

so now South America is on the right hand side of the map, while Africa is way over on the left.



it doesn't look right.


*"Arrested Development" is awesome.

No no, let ME hold YOUR hand, sir.

I just met with my advisor. We haven't met or talked in about 2 months. He doesn't seem too worried by this.

let me tell you something about my advisor. he's a walking encyclopedia. he learned to fluently speak french in less than a month. he's brilliant. so brilliant i don't think he's mentally present at all times. he kinda floats through the day, perhaps performing difficult mathematical equations in his head, or constantly comparing Homo ergaster specimen KNM-WT 15000's nuchal plane to that of Homo habilis Sk 847. Something I'm sure we all spend many hours a day pondering. I think he's too busy being brilliant to see what's actually happening in front of him, in reality.

I bring in my outline and timeline (the dates i've set up to have each chapter finished by and blardy blar blar). I nervously hand them to my advisor. He sees how neatly and organized they are typed up.

Him: "oh, that looks just fine"
me: (expecting him to have something substantial to say about what's actually written on the paper....) "well, do you think my chapters look ok? organized well? in a good layout? they cover all the areas? do i need more?"
Him: "well, i guess, but i don't really know what your chapters are"
me: "well they're written out there on the outline"
Him: (pleasantly surprised) "oh, so they are!"

he reads over them.

Him: "It's Cladistic Analysis. Not Cladistics Analysis"
me: "oh yeah, sorry about that typo"

pause

me: "sooo.... what do you think of the outline? do you think the chapters are ok?'
Him: "oh yes, oh yes, they're fine"
me: "well what about the timeline? i lose about 3 weeks at the end of November and the beginning of December because I'm moving back to the states and my sister's getting married"
Him: "oh a wedding! how nice"
me: "yes... so... I'm trying to have most of my chapters written before then, so I can just be doing idle editing during all that chaos"
Him: "it'll be winter there, right? how nice"
me: "yes, she's having a winter wedding. so right after the wedding, that's when I'll write my introduction and conclusion"
Him: "oh yes, that's fine"
me: "and I'll just e-mail them to you, since I won't be here"
Him: "oh yes, that's fine"
me: "and every time i finish a chapter, I'll rush it over to you so you can edit it for me for the following week"
Him: "oh that's a good idea"
me: and then i'll take your hand and help you cross the street
Him: oh yes, that's fine

ok, that last part didn't happen, but that's pretty much how i felt.

don't get me wrong. he knows all the answers to all my problems, and is always willing to help, it's just with my personality... i need someone demanding work from me every week, giving me certain deadlines, yelling at me when i don't have something done, instilling me with fear of what will happen if i fail. but instead, i get a lovely, calm, happy-to-be-alive grandpa.

well, here grandpa, give me your hand, let's cross the street.










and another thing:
they call electricians "sparkies"
and carpenters "chippies"

Uh oh!

My australian friends just found my blog!

damn you, google.

i have done THIS before, but not THAT

so we've started a 'veggie patch' here at my dorm. they cleared out a pretty sizeable area in one of our courtyards for us to grow organic vegetables and herbs.
today was our first 'event' where we had to move a giant pile of compost onto the plot. this consisted of shoveling it into a wheelbarrow, pushing this wheelbarrow up and around this crazy ramp, then dumping it and spreading it over the plot. so i of course volunteered to shovel.

now due to my archaeology days, i honed in on my digging talents and i never thought they would really come in handy... except for the time i dug a hole to find a leaky pipe for my parent's pool. but let me tell you... my shoveling skills are apparently awesome... and noticeable.

i got multiple compliments.
"wow, you're really good at shoveling"
"have you done this before?"
"your aim is amazing"
"how do you shovel so quickly?"
"you look so natural holding a shovel"

so there you go ladies and gentlemen. those 18 months of digging, filling holes, and moving dirt piles has gotten me respect.

now let's see if any vegetables will grow out of that giant amount of compost.

on another note!!
i've joined my dorm's netball team. Netball.. well.. it's like ultimate frisbee meets basketball.
it's 7 on 7, usually seen as a ladies sport, and you have a ball that resembles a soccer ball. anyway, you throw/pass it to your teammates, and once you get the ball, you can't move. no dribbling, no walking. so you catch it, and pass it off immediately.
OH! and there are zones. the court is split up into thirds. and the end thirds have semi-circles cut into them, much smaller than a basketball key, and this is the shooting area. and each position is restricted to certain areas.
my potential position, Wing Defense... i can only go in to 2 of the thirds, and not into either semi-circle.
anyway, you also have to stand 3 feet away from the opposite team. it is a non-contact sport.
ALSO! you wear little skirts like tennis skirts!
ALSO! there is no backboard! it's a pole with a hoop

it is a crazy sport, but we've had 1 practice and it was loads of fun. i just like team sports. and i like that i'm not expected to run the whole court.
other positions are called:
goal keeper
goal attack
wing attack
goal shooter
and center, of course

anyway, we have 2 more practices this week and my butt is so sore it hurts to sit. our 'coach' made us do lunges across the court. ouchies.